About seven years ago or so I decided to get serious about dealing with true self. Don’t get me wrong I have always been on this path, but I mean I was way beyond tired of going through the same valleys over and over. I knew my problems had to do something within me that needed adjusting. I had prayer, I prayed, I corrected behaviors but never could get the final victory! I decided to own my feelings and actions, instead of deflecting my dysfunctions upon others.
I bought Dr. Phil’s workbooks and book. I started on this journey to unwrap myself from the disease of me. What I learned now is that most people suffer from scatoma. Scatoma is the medical term for blind spots in vision. Most people suffer from this actually! My blind spots was naturally my own self. I have long left the ideology that ‘the devil made me do it.’ Just that idea alone reminds of little children. It is in our distorted corrupt nature of Adam to deny and deflect. When the boys were really small, there would be a big crash upstairs. I would yell up and say, ‘What happened?’ I don’t even have to tell you what the inherent response is; NOTHING! Then when you confront them the ego can not survive honesty, and humility. If they are confronted about what was broken upstairs, it is ALWAYS deflect and blame. Hello Adam and Eve! God to Adam,”What have you done?” (Nothing!) “Did you eat of the fruit of the tree that I commanded you not to?” (It was her fault!)
The ego or carnal mind is nothing more than artificial intelligence. Albert Einstein once said that the ego an illusion of identity, not real at all. Whatever you call it, and how ever you define it; the carnal mind is the source for ALL pain and negativity. This false sense of self is never satisfied.
Back to Dr. Phil. Sorry I always chase rabbits, but I always make back. In the workbook you have about a hundred pages of questions. There are spaces for you to write in the answers. There were deep personal questions. I was filling out all my answers and having to dig deep inside my mind to find the answers. You know stuff that went on years ago, that maybe you have suppressed or shut in an empty junk room in your heart. I found out in the process a valuable principle: What you don’t deal with today, you will have to live with it tomorrow!
I discovered in the process of discovery that I had regrets. My regrets weren’t about the things I had done wrong. My overwhelming regret was that I never finished school. When I met Jesus, I bailed on everything it was just me and Him. I even had like four different people offer to pay for all of the rest of our education. I emphatically turned them down. I wanted to be like Peter and John in the book of Acts.
Acts 4:13 Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus.
Yup that’s my testimony. I just wanted everyone to know that I was the guy that could hear from God and been with Jesus. I wouldn’t listen to anyone. I suppose now it was the choice that I had to make for my life, it’s the only choice I could make. I will explain later on, hang out with me a little bit here. What I needed was some serious foresight. I had no insight into my path because I only had hindsight. I now know that was a colossal mistake. You see I thought all of my spiritual life I assumed that people would recognize and honor my devotion and dedication. Well it is the polar opposite, people have lost the value of honor. Sadly even in the church world it is every man for himself. The biggest reason is because we spend our time building ministry and not community! Being with Jesus and having to prove it all of the time is exhausting. People in business could care less. I could not believe how that one decision in my life has affected me and my family.
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” Sydney Smith
“The pain of yesterdays failure will be small in comparison to the shame of regret from not even trying!” Mark Marshall
Mark Twain was attributed to this quote however it can not be confirmed.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
I think we all have learned to ‘live’ with our regrets. I heard another good quote by Marshall Faulk when he was inducted to the NFL Hall of Fame. He said, “I have some advice for everyone today, Live your life; Don’t let it live you.” How true many of us have all but given in to the mediocre life. It’s like there is this invisible relentless opposition to anyone wanting more out of life. I don’t see how you can really find your true life without first finding Him who is the author of life.
I did a study on depression in America. The study revealed that over 10% of us suffer from depression. That means the ones that have been diagnosed and clinically treated for it. The numbers on the actual scripts that are written each year are just astounding. I am sad to say that this number has to increased almost two-fold. The study was done in 2006 – 08. It was done before the economy crashed. I just wonder how many are affected but do not seek any kind of care?
An alarming statistic here is the fact that Oklahoma is in the top of this category. I have to believe there are some reasons for this. The most obvious factor to me has to be something with Christianity. Oklahoma is the hub for all things spiritual as far as organized Charismatic religions go. Could this be a factor? Are we suffering in silence? We will cover this in more detail on the next blog post.